“It is time for us to stand and cheer for the doer, the achiever-the one who recognizes his/her challenges and does something about it.” -Vince Lombardi

The Four Sins:

1. Interrupting. “I really am not interested in paying attention to what you have to say which is why I’m not allowing your to finish your sentences and telling you what I think instead-obviously what I have to say is more important than what you’re saying.”

You probably don’t mean to communicate this idea when you interrupt.  Nonetheless, that’s the message you’re sending.  Whatever you gain by getting your two cents in prematurely, you lose from a relationship perspective. You may be making the greatest point in the world, but the odds are your relationship partner resents your interruption even if she/he appreciates your idea.

2. Finishing the other person’s sentences. This may seem like a harmless behavior, but it conveys another message that hurts relationships: “I know how to complete your thoughts better than you do.”

When you commit this sin, you most likely do so with good intent.  You may think you’re showing the other person that you’re on the same wavelength, that you think alike.  In fact, finishing a sentence is even worse than interrupting.  It’s one thing to stop someone from speaking.  It’s something else to speak for him.If this sounds like you, next time you finish someone’s sentence, watch the  person carefully.  They may not say anything, but see if their eyes or body language reveal their true feelings.  Do you see a slight grimace? Does the  person’s eyes narrow or glare? Once you witness a negative reaction, you’re less likely to make the same mistake.

3. Lying or faking it when you haven’t been paying attention. Picture this scenario: For whatever reason, you’re distracted.  Your attention wanders and you miss everything someone is telling you.  Rather than admit you didn’t get everything, you attempt to fake it. You nod your head.  When the person asks if you agree with him, you say “yes”.  You may think you got away with it, but you’re probably wrong.  When you’re really listening, people know it.  You’ve probably experience this situation in reverse yourself at one time or another.  Perhaps you were speaking with someone you can “feel” he wasn’t fully engaged. He may have been nodding and looking right at you, but you could sense he was distracted. Do you remember how this felt on the receiving end?

Remind yourself that other people can sense if you’re not listening, and don’t fake it.  Force yourself to be honest and admit you didn’t catch everything that was said. Request that he/she repeat it.  Ask for clarification or elaboration.  In this way, you’re being honest rather than deceitful.  Remember, honesty nurtures relationships, and deceit damages relationships.

4. Rehearsing for a conversation. You may ask yourself: Doesn’t everyone do this? Isn’t it natural to think about what you are going to say as the other person is talking? Communication is a two-way street; your responses are ideally based on what your relationship partner is telling you.  A common problem in communication happens when you prepare what you’re going to say to the point that you’re disconnected from the conversation in the present time.  The best way to avoid this disconnection is to focus intently on what your relationship partner is saying. Concentrate on being present in the moment, and responding spontaneously to the conversation.  The more you focus on the other person, the more likely you’ll be perceived as a good listener.

Source: Going Bonkers: “Are You Listening To Me?”

http://www.gbonkers.com/index.html

Tagged as: Jillian Vanarsdall